In July of 2019, Mrs. Bartlette Became engaged and soon after went to the ER with chronic pain that was caused by nerve damage. She decided to write this guide in support of disabled/chronically ill/pained couples who deserve to be seen and not segregated to the small of a corner in the world digital or otherwise. Mrs. Bartlette shares that the term, “spoonie” comes from the essay by Christine Miseraindino called, “The Spoon Theory.” This is where someone with a chronic illness and or pain has to “ration” their physical energy by gauging what activities they could complete by using the pain scale of ten” your spoons” for that day.
This may seem like a silly theory to someone who doesn’t have to live with a chronic illness or disability that causes the person intense physical pain. This “theory” is a tool of sorts that many use to help them avoid a flare-up of symptoms, and burnout for them. In all honesty, this theory becomes part of the lifestyle for someone who lives with a disability or a chronic illness. Now, let’s jump into the review.
This book covers every step of the wedding process-but from the perspective of the person/couple with the disability and or chronic illness. While it’s still a quick read, it is also jammed packed with personal insight, resources, and simple examples of the important information you would need during the whole planning process. For example, Meara shares a sample of what her budget was for her wedding, she emphasizes the importance of keeping track of everything with spreadsheets so you can see what needs to be spent and or how far in advance you should plan for each element for your special day. She also emphasizes the importance of communication whether that’s with your partner, wedding party, or wedding planner not expressing what you need to help your wedding be more “accessible” (pun intended) and perfect for you leads to heartbreak and disappointment.
One of the things I thought was smart about the book was that Meara gave examples of weddings that could fit anyone’s storybook day. My favorite mention was the Disney wedding for $5, 000. The positive tone that this book takes on is a refreshing take on wedding planning especially when pop culture puts so much emphasis on the glitz and glam of the price tag a wedding carries making it impossible for the average person to mimic much less a person with a disability or chronic illness. Another thing that I appreciated about the book was the list of resources that were provided.
One of the main questions anyone has during the whole planning process, “Is where do I even start”? Meara not only provides a list of resources to use, but these are resources she has personally used herself when she was planning her special day. I also loved how she involved different couples' perspectives by interviewing them about their disabilities/illness and how they planned their wedding days “around” them. Another aspect a about the book that I enjoyed was given in the book. For example, if the bride will be sitting in a wheelchair during the majority of the ceremony, consider getting a two-piece dress rather than one whole dress that may not fall right while sitting down. Have a dress in two pieces may be easier for the bride to put on. Overall, when someone has a disabisability and or chronic illness, and they are planning their wedding day-the message is clear: plan it for you and your future partner to enjoy and remember for years to come. Just because you have a disability or chronic illness, don’t let that play as a negative as to what you both want your big day to be.
I’d like to end this review by thanking Meara for writing this book for our community. Especially, when society can’t fathom people with disability/chronic illness can live a life just like their co-workers and neighbors who don’t have any limitations. Thank you for including us and helping society see that everyone, disabled or not has dreams. And planning a wedding is the ultimate dream for every couple/woman planning your wedding day.
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