Dese’Rae Lynn Stage: Changing How We Look At And Talk About Mental Health

Dese’Rae Lynn Stage: Changing How We Look At And Talk About Mental Health

 I first came upon Dese’Rae and her work completely by accident. I was on Facebook one day in May, a live video was streaming and it happened to be of Dese’Rae. I was instantly intrigued. It was a video series that The Mighty was doing on mental health awareness. I contacted her on Facebook the next day and asked her if she’d be willing to do an interview. She agreed. 

    After several emails back and forth I had the pleasure of speaking with Dese’Rae during a live Google hang out on the afternoon of July 18, 2017. The plan was to record the Google hang out and then it would immediately upload to Youtube, where I could share the video with all of you. Unfortunately, “technical difficulties” occurred, and the interview did not record. 

As a result, Dese’Rae and I agreed upon a written piece instead. Before I jump right in here, I know a lot of you might be reading this and thinking,”why are you talking about this it at all?” I also realize that a lot of people have their own opinions/thoughts about someone who would take their own life. I get it. Suicide, and mental health, are not topics people tend to talk openly about and because of that a lot of speculation starts to surface and that is exactly why I wanted to interview Dese’Rae. 

    Dese’Rae isn’t  just someone with credentials and training, she is someone who knows first hand how the impact of losing someone to suicide can feel.  She lost a friend to suicide 10 years ago and along with struggling with her mental health and seeing the lack of resources, it prompted Dese’Rae to ask the hard questions. A simple Google search of the term, "suicide survivor,” she found nothing. Historically, when someone died, the family took care of them, celebrated them, etc. Now, we have the memorial, we remember, but do we, really stare down death and ask why are we as a society, so afraid of you?

      We still say, “death is part of life.” Plato had six theories on what happened when you died.

Theory 1: No one knows for certain what happens when you die.

Theory 2: Death is a dreamless sleep.

Theory 3: The Immortality of the soul can be proved.

Theory 4: Reincarnation. 

Theory 5: Death is followed by judgment, reward, or punishment.  

Theory 6: Begetting of our offspring in the literal or metaphorical sense is our only sort of mortality. 

   (*Please refer to https://www.thoughtco.com/platos-views-on-the-afterlife-2670662 For a more detailed example of Plato’s six theories.) The truth is that suicide and the grief process of suicide is very complex. And because of that, society focuses more on the clinical rather than the human side. But Dese’Rae is aiming to change that. In 2010 she began working on livethroughthis.org, which is a portrait series of suicide survivors. She first began her work by posting ads on Craig’s List. As a self-taught photographer since 2004, Des’Rae realized that she could use her knowledge, personal experience, and her camera to show society that beyond the chart, there is a person there in pain. 

    In  February 2013, she raised $23,000 via Kickstarter. She then took The Live Through This Project on the road. As it stands, since August of 2016 Dese’Rae has (captured) 166 suicide attempted survivors,  in 28 US cities. Funding for Dese’Rae’s work is based on donations, as well as her own money. If you like to know how you can help Dese'Rae or volunteer your services please visit: livethroughthis.org Dese'Rae also speaks publicly and openly about her own struggles with mental health in hopes to get a conversation started among the medical field about how to address suicide in correct terms, but also learn to address the person who may be struggling with more dignity and humility. 

Listen to them.  Be present. Ask them if they're thinking about suicide. Let them talk about it.  

“It gets better.” Catchy, but not accurate. Because it is assumed that you stop being in pain or depressed or if you just start thinking positively it all goes away. Whatever you’re going through, depression, bipolar, ECT it does not magically go away.  If anything you get better in recognizing what the behaviors/feelings are and you reach out and speak out. But nothing goes away. What gets better is how YOU RECOGNIZE what you're struggling with and you become better at giving your pain a voice. Please don't think I  don't support the intention behind the saying I do, and I support any and all communities that promote equality, acceptance, humility, and support, but when you're dealing with emotional and mental health issues, the process toward "it getting better" is often a long, slow process of baby steps.

That's why the conversation on suicide needs to be less about sound bites and statistics.  They are people first who overcome a lot to see the sun the next day and saying things like “committed suicide,” is not correct because it implies they’ve committed a crime. They did not.  They’re struggling; they are in immense pain. When you have a field of professionals that do not know how to speak to the person before dealing with their patient, can be extremely difficult especially with such a high price tag hanging over patient’s heads. 

Money is what makes or breaks us. I understand that, but should it still be able to break souls that are already suffering, and taking the brave step in advocating for their own well-being and health? The answer should always be,”absolutely not.” Unfortunately, neither the government nor the world runs on common sense. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death. And when it happens, people don’t want to talk about it, or they take it as no one's business. I understand that this isn’t something you casually speak about. But not speaking about it won’t make suicide or the subject of death go away. Dese'Rae also strongly advises that you do your homework when researching the best options regarding medical professionals and their course of treatments. Avoid self-diagnosis by instantly going on Web MD.  She has also had a positive experience with finding support online. I too can contest to the fact, that the people you end up "meeting" can not only turn out to be your best friends but also can become a part of your family. Dese'Rae is working extremely hard and passionately to show that not only those embarking in the world of mental health in the years to come, but also to show society that a person with a mental illness is a person first and foremost. Then it's on to, “how can we help you”? and asking it not to just in a professional way, but in a genuine way as well. One of the questions I asked Dese'Rae during our interview was if writing and music helped her as much as it did me. She, of course, said yes, but like everything in life when it starts to become less about relieving stress and create more anxiety, then it's time to stop and find something else to do. Dese'Rae is a genuine soul who truly has a powerful message to send not only to the mental health field but to society as well. When you go onto livethroughthis.org you'll notice the image of two sparrows holding a banner proudly displaying the words: Live Through This. The symbolic message of the sparrow could not be a better fit for Dese'Rae's work. Historically, the sparrow tattoo was a tattoo that British sailors got back then to show off their sailing experience. The sparrow tattoo can also represent love, care, and affection toward family and friends who stayed.  Showing loyalty to the person always returning to them. The sparrow also represents freedom and hope. It is also fitting that the message Dese'Rae simply conveys to people when she speaks publicly, and what is portrayed in her work she simply asks that you stay. Stay we are listening. We simply want you to stay.

If you or someone you know needs help please, don’t hesitate to reach out. Resources are available. Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK. The Crisis Text Line (Free nationwide, 24/7.) Text HELLO to 741741 or message at https// facebook.com/CrisisTextLine